“Mom’s gonna talk for a moment. Can you go show me your toys?”

Rebecca, a first-time mom of a beautiful little girl with inquisitive dark eyes, takes a moment to settle her daughter during our conversation about her motherhood journey. Calm and comfortable, she appears to be made for motherhood. 

“She is 19 months old, and she’s very smart. So, trying to keep her occupied is fun. It’s refreshing because it makes me think about how we think. We don’t think of things the same way children do. So I have to get outside that, trying to keep her entertained. So it’s a learning curve for me,” Rebecca explains. 

Rebecca and her daughter share an adorable apartment together. They have an established routine, and Rebecca has researched every aspect of childrearing, nutrition, education, and beyond. Her work allows her to be fully present in her daughter’s life, which her father is not a part of. 

“I came to LoveLine when I found out I was pregnant. The guy that got me pregnant with her was part of, I guess, a secret society or a club of some sort, and that kind of put things in fact. I already knew he wasn’t going to want me to keep her, and because of my faith, I already knew I couldn’t get rid of her,” Rebecca shared. “So I told him after it took me some time to gain some courage to tell him because those conversations you don’t really want to have with a guy, especially one you don’t know very well. He tried to convince me to abort her.” 

Rebecca told him that abortion was not on the table. He disappeared and did not message Rebecca again until a year and a half later. 

Rebecca was left to face her pregnancy alone. Overwhelmed, she quit her job, unable to process or discern her next steps. She remembered a resource where she could get free ultrasounds. Rebecca began visiting Life Clinic to glimpse her child – and her hope – growing within her. 

“I had another job lined up, but I was in a position where I had no money coming in. At one of my appointments at Life Clinic, I just broke down. I started crying and telling them about my circumstances,” Rebecca recalls. 

“There was a lady there who was just so warm and gave me this number. She said, ‘I just feel like God is telling me to give you this number.’ It was LoveLine. I contacted [LoveLine] immediately.” 

However, Rebecca doubted that LoveLine would help her due to her past. Before her pregnancy, Rebecca was trapped in a sex trafficking situation. 

“I’m able to talk more freely about it now because I’ve done a lot of healing. I’ve acknowledged the fact that I’ve needed God through it all. I feel like I was brought to LoveLine because of that situation, and it has been very good for me,” she shares. 

In the background, Rebecca’s daughter sings and shouts along to a children’s praise and worship song. 

“I’ve been able to make these sacrifices for her because of LoveLine. Having these resources and opportunities to learn how to better manage my money and have access to therapy during a very traumatic and important time of my life. It was a huge transition going into motherhood,” says Rebecca. 

“Having somebody come alongside you is so important for that.” 

Rebecca knew of the Lord growing up but didn’t yet know Him. Her environment was secluded and restrictive, and her parents were excessively authoritative. 

“When I had the opportunity to live independently without my parents in a different city, I didn’t know how to handle the things they tried to keep me from. I ended up in some very precarious situations, chronically homeless at the age of 18. I was living from house to house, couch to couch,” recalls Rebecca. 

“That just put me into a more vicarious situation with sex trafficking because I was desperate and didn’t have any solid roots. I had grown up in a Christian household, but I grew up in a family that didn’t demonstrate Christian values. They spoke about it. They try to portray that that’s what they did, but that’s not what they were doing. There was a lot of violence, a lot of hatred, a lot of anger behind closed doors. Not love, not unconditional love. So, when I had the opportunity to fly and make my own way in the world, I didn’t have the right tools or know-how. When it comes to the sex trafficking side of my story, I acknowledge the fact that I just accepted it. I thought that’s what I deserved,” she continues. 

Now firmly rooted in her relationship with God and identity in Christ, Rebecca realizes she deserves so much more: love, acceptance, and protection. All of this translates into her job as a crisis worker for a suicide prevention hotline. 

During her pregnancy, Rebecca began losing hope that she would secure another job before the impending due date. “Because of my faith and because I know how God orders our steps, I just knew when my friend told me about this job, I said, ‘God has that job for me.’ I’m almost two years in and have seen how much it’s changed my life,” Rebecca shares. 

Growing up with a hard-hearted mother has helped Rebecca empathize deeply with crisis callers struggling with their own experiences of motherhood. Her relatable circumstances make her a safe place for people at risk of suicide. 

When asked about her expectations versus the reality of motherhood, Rebecca can’t help but compare her experience with others. She does so without self-pity but laments the gone-with-the-wind village concept. 

“I’ve watched other mothers that have made it so flawless, so easy, but they literally had that village that I was hoping to have. Having LoveLine, Life Clinic, and the community that I have been able to establish has helped make it easier. But as a new mother going into motherhood, I think my expectation of motherhood was that it would be a lot easier than it actually is,” she explains. 

“They weren’t lying that it’s hard. You will make the sacrifices they tell you you’re going to make. The reality is that people are going to have their opinions,” continues Rebecca. 

“If anything, it’s shown me and taught me a lot of parts of myself that I’ve never seen before. I get so much positive feedback while second-guessing myself. I know that she is well-fed and she has great people in her life. She’s safe. She’s healthy. She’s developing. She’s got such a huge vocabulary, you know. So, yes, in a way, I’m doing great, but there’s that voice, that nagging voice in the back of my mind.”  

“But there are also some other great parts that have taken me by surprise, which are good things that I want to talk about, you know, recognizing that I’m stronger than I thought I was. I had always had this huge fear of becoming a mom because I didn’t want to be the mom that my mom was. But I’m not that mom. I’m a whole different mom who is so loving, accepting, and ready,” Rebecca boldly professes. 

Rebecca embraces the fact that she still has room for healing in her life so she can be fully present for her daughter. Whereas people did not show up for her, Rebecca resolves to do differently. 

“I get to be that person for her. I get to heal through that. I didn’t have the love and acceptance I have for her, even though she doesn’t have her dad or grandparents in her life,” she says. 

Rebecca was blessed to live in the home of campus ministers and see what a real family looks like. Their example of unconditional love has helped expand her heart and allow her to share that kind of love with her daughter. 

“They were far from perfect, but they worked through their problems. They set time aside for one another. They had date nights. They prayed together. I saw so many aspects and areas within this family that made me say, ‘That’s what I want for my family,'” Rebecca claims.

“I know what heartbreak looks like, and I know what love looks like. I know that you sometimes have to go through the bad to understand how good the good is. I will stand so firm on Jesus because Jesus has been my all through it.” 

Discerning that continuing contact with her daughter’s father is potentially dangerous, Rebecca has not reciprocated his solitary message from nearly a year ago. 

“I view my role as [my daughter’s] mom so important because God trusts us with these little souls that He gifts us. She’s already talking about Jesus. She asks to pray,” Rebecca shares admiringly. 

Utilizing LoveLine’s crisis intervention, counseling, and financial coaching services, her team is confident that Rebecca is well-equipped to be the best mother she can be. Rebecca is satisfied in God’s love for her as a Father. She has enjoyed working with LoveLine’s team of moms, who have kids coming in and out of the picture during calls while her own child attempts to press buttons and smile at the camera during virtual visits.

When asked about her future, Rebecca says, “I feel so hopeful. I feel so good. There’s a reason that she’s here, that I’m here. God’s been showing up in my life, but then He started showing up for my daughter. There’s a big plan, and I want to align my goals and dreams with His plans. If He takes care of the birds, will He not take care of us? So, when I look at my future and my daughter’s future, it’s hopeful. And it’s good.”