If your significant other wants an abortion but you don’t, you are not alone. This is a common situation that can feel heartbreaking and confusing, especially if the relationship matters to you and you want to stay together.
You deserve support, clear information, and love. This article walks through practical next steps, how to handle conversations, and where to get help.
First: Your feelings make sense
When a partner is pushing for abortion, many women feel:
- Shock or betrayal
- Fear of losing the relationship
- Pressure to decide quickly
- Shame, anxiety, or numbness
- Confusion about what is “right”
None of those feelings means you are weak. It means you are carrying something heavy on your own, and it can feel very isolating.
Can my boyfriend make me get an abortion?
No. Your boyfriend or partner cannot legally force you to have an abortion.
That said, pressure can still be very real. Pressure can look like:
- Threats to leave you
- Withholding money or support
- Constant arguing
- “It’s the only option” language
- Using fear to rush you (“We can’t afford this,” “My parents will kill me,” “You’ll ruin my life”)
If you feel unsafe or controlled, that is a serious warning sign. Your safety matters more than keeping peace.
You are not alone: Rebecca’s story of resisting pressure and finding deeper love
If you are being pressured by the father of your baby, it can feel like you are the only one in the world facing this. You are not.
Rebecca came to LoveLine when she found out she was pregnant and already suspected the father of her baby would not want her to continue the pregnancy. When she finally told him, he tried to convince her to abort. Rebecca’s response was clear: abortion was not on the table.[1]
Rebecca shares that after she held firm, he disappeared, leaving her alone to face the pregnancy. She felt overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next. But as she moved forward, she describes learning how to make sacrifices for her child and growing into a deeper love as a mother, especially with the support that came alongside her.[1]
You can read Rebecca’s full story here: Rebecca’s Story.[1]
Why would he want an abortion?
Every situation is different, but common reasons include:
- Fear of responsibility or financial stress
- Feeling unready or overwhelmed
- Worry about parents, reputation, or community pressure
- Not wanting to be connected long-term
- Feeling powerless and trying to regain control
Understanding the “why” can help you respond calmly, but it does not mean you have to agree or consent to an unwanted termination.
What to say when he wants an abortion and you don’t
If you want to keep the conversation from turning into a fight, try language that is clear and firm:
- “I hear that you’re scared. I’m scared too. But I’m not comfortable choosing abortion.”
- “I need time to think and talk to someone who can help me understand my options.”
- “You can share how you feel, but the final decision is mine.”
- “I’m asking you to talk with me respectfully. I’m not going to decide under pressure.”
If he starts threatening or yelling, it is okay to end the conversation:
- “I’m not continuing this conversation when I’m being pressured. We can talk later.”
Questions to ask yourself (to get clarity)
You do not need to answer these perfectly. They are meant to help you slow down and think clearly.
- If nobody else had an opinion, what would I choose?
- Am I afraid of losing him, or do I truly believe abortion is right for me?
- Do I feel safe in this relationship?
- If I choose abortion to keep him, what might I feel afterward?
- If I choose to continue the pregnancy, what support could I build?
If you feel pressured: take a pause before making any decision
High-pressure situations can lead to decisions you later will not feel at peace with. Give yourself permission to slow down.
Helpful next steps:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member who will stay calm
- Write down what you want and what you’re afraid of
- Get accurate medical information (especially about timeline, options, and risks)
- Speak with someone who can help you create a practical plan
- Reach out to LoveLine with any questions about how we can help
What if I’m worried he’ll leave?
That fear is real. But a relationship that requires you to go against your conscience and won’t be there to support you in order to keep someone is not a secure relationship.
Some boyfriends do change when they:
- realize the decision is not theirs to control
- learn what support is available
- have time to process the shock
- see a realistic plan for what comes next
And sometimes they do leave. If that happens, you still deserve support, stability, and a future.
You deserve support that is confidential and judgment-free
If you’re feeling stuck between what your boyfriend wants and what you want, talk to someone who will listen and help you think through your options and next steps.
LoveLine offers free, confidential support and practical help.
Text GET STARTED to 888-550-1588 or visit LoveLine.com.
Quick recap: If your boyfriend wants an abortion but you don’t
- You are not alone.
- You cannot be forced to have an abortion.
- Pressure is not the same as support.
- You deserve time, clarity, and real help.
- There are people who will walk with you through your next step.
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